When I was in the startup world, we had a saying that “Done is better than perfect”. And the idea behind that is, rather than optimise an interface or all functionalities, or have a flawless process or approach to investors, or have the perfect plan or structure covering all contingencies, you'd focus on actually doing the crux of what needs to get completed. Something analogous to the idea of a minimum viable product focusing on the core of what you’re offering, but applied to actually running things and moving the company along.
This idea will be familiar to folks in design, or in the product or startup space. But what does it mean to actually let go of the perfectionist impulse, which many of us are often afflicted by? Letting go of that instinct to only release something that reflects your absolute best efforts is difficult for several reasons; hopefully understanding some of them will help shift your mindset if this is something you tussle with.
One: Tackling ego - Decoupling identity from output
This is especially relevant if what you are trying to produce is innately tied with your identity, for instance in creative expression, or where you’re the face of a product or company, or if your individual background/style/self is related to what you’re putting out (like in coaching). Producing or creating something for others is especially difficult, because you’re not just putting something out there, it feels like you’re putting part of your identity out there. So any opinion or reaction to that product/service/solution is going to feel but like a reflection of, and reaction to, you, and not just your output.
This is something that worth being hyper aware of, and making sure you're also conscious that however much of yourself you're putting into this output, it is not a measure of your worth, and not a measure of your potential. In many ways, it's not even a measure of yourself, it's also a combination of circumstances. This doesn’t mean not taking ownership, or letting yourself perpetually succumb to subpar standards, but falling into that trap of conflating output with identity denies you the chance to constantly improve and iterate. Holding that balance between putting out something perfect and putting out something that is done is itself a skill, and a dynamic process that enables constant growth.
Two: Let go of control to enable growth
The second thing is control. Perfectionism often manifests in constant tweaking, being particular about details, or overplanning. There will always, always be room for improvement. There will also always be costs for that improvement. At what point do the costs outweigh the benefits?
Often, we forget that when we are creating something, we are actually co-creating something. We think we are designing a product, or building a solution, or creating an artwork in isolation. But everything is actually a dialogue with whoever’s on the receiving end. Any book you read is not just a function of the author’s words, it’s also how you receive and interpret them.
When we try to control something by over-designing it, or iterating it ourselves over and over, we are assuming perfect knowledge. Controlling a product’s details is sometimes a way of controlling the responses we will get - and often a futile endeavour. It's not just that iteration will, and often should, happen. It's that without something done, however imperfectly, you have nothing. And that perfection in your head, and all the assumptions you hold knowingly or unknowingly, remain untested in the real world.
So recognizing that uncertainty is a big part of any form of creation and reception is key. Get yourself closer to having something out there that you can continually improve and learn from. This itself itself is worth learning.
Three: The growth mindset in practice, when starting something new
You’ve probably heard of the growth mindset versus the fixed mindset. There are parallels here between the notion of iterative creation, and ourselves as learning organisms and the mindset that we take. Whatever you're putting out now is going to be quite different from whatever it's going to be five years from now. And you want that to be different, because you want to be able to grow and change with the feedback that you get and how the market changes. If you're doing the same thing in the same way in two years, it may be a warning sign of stagnation.
But understanding a growth mindset can be quite different from actually living it. We often overlook the sucky part of any beginning stage where it might feel that you are really starting from zero, or all your experience doesn't seem to be translating into output of the caliber that you can put your name behind. So we can accept, for instance, that, “I believe that whatever I'm doing now, I will get better at it”. Or, “I believe I can do anything I put my mind to, if I put in enough effort”. But it's actually really important to think about, and sit in, that sucky period where you're falling short of your expectations, or you're simply starting from zero and don't realize how long it's going to take to get to one.
Because being able to sit in that discomfort is what will distinguish you from everyone else who is not willing to do so, to test possibility and potential. If you’re not comfortable putting your name behind something that is not perfect, get comfortable putting your name behind your best efforts, and just being in the arena, as opposed to being simply a spectator.
So - after months of gestation, here’s the first issue of One Small Thing, in conjunction with a couple of programs I will be running under Deliberate Humans. It’s not perfect, but it’s done. And it, and I, will keep getting better.
Look out for the three phases of starting something from scratch in the next few issues.
Action / Reflection
What have you held yourself back from this year, because of worries that you are, or it is, not good enough?
What do you risk by trying? What do you risk by not trying? What would you gain from trying?
Ask yourself if you're truly willing to tolerate discomfort and uncertainty, to get closer to where you truly want to be. If not, what's one step you can take to sit a little bit better in discomfort?
Non Sequitur
Birth, adopted, or step - siblings are the only people in the world who will have a unique insight into parts of your history that make you who you are, that nobody else will ever share or understand however much you explain. To have grown up in the same household, usually with the same mix of people, to have witnessed events and dynamics, and how individuals in the household have responded or changed over time, brings a sense of context that is too nuanced to dissect or describe, but can only be experienced.
The more intense these experiences are, the more likely it is that these bonds will either deepen, or break. I've heard the term "trauma-bonding" on social media quite a bit, but it doesn't have to be deeply traumatic experiences. And I hope it hasn't been for you. It doesn't mean that siblings have the same experience of the same events, but to witness another's reality is itself a powerful and special thing. Often I think that's actually a key reason why people get into and stay in long-term relationships.
After the thrill is gone, you're left with somebody who has seen you through different stages and settings in life. Ideally it is someone who has actually seen and known you, your joys and fears and vulnerabilities, and whom you have seen. It's also a reason why breakups are hard even if you know it's the right thing to do.